Im scared of losing my virginity

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I'm 21 and still a virgin. I grew up in a religious, conservative family in a religious, conservative country where dating and sex before marriage aren't the norm. However, I've never really been the religious, conservative type myself, so I've dated around.

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I feared losing my virginity like a millennial year-old fears social media embarrassment. And it was rarely, if ever, depicted in the sitcoms and films that our parents banned us from watching because we were too young. For me, there was no bleeding, no terrible pain and, funnily enough, I was able to walk just fine after it.

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But how often do we hear the nitty-gritty of how we can actually better understand our deepest desires and most embarrassing questions? Bustle has enlisted Vanessa Marin, a sex therapistto help us out with the details. No gender, sexual orientation, or question is off limits, and all questions remain anonymous.

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I thought that by losing my virginity at 25, I was uniquely equipped to handle the experience with wisdom and maybe even a little nonchalance. There were several reasons that I doggedly pursued the possibility of losing my virginity in such a dispassionate manner. One was the sheer fact that I was See, I had done my research.

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And to be fair, sex is a key component to most relationships. Virginity is a social and cultural construct, not a universal one. Exploring and exploding these fears is an important exercise in self-awareness and emotional intelligence.

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I have yet to experience it, but I would have to be deaf to not hear about the sex lives of my friends, or even random strangers at bars. With all jokes aside, my emotional fear of having sex has overcome my physical desires. To some, sex is just sex and virginity is just a social construct.

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Your first time having sex can be the subject of a lot of excitement, but it can also carry feelings of fear or anxiety. Mostly, though, it's hard to imagine what it will actually be like when it happens. For many of us, the only conception we have of our first time is what we see in the movies, but those portrayals don't very often get it right — especially when it comes to the first time.

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Throughout the next few months, HuffPost Teen is highlighting the way teens think and feel about sex through anecdotes written for our series, " Teen Sex: It's Complicated. If you want to share your thoughts, join the conversation here. I attribute this to my homeschooling. I traded in the ordinary social existence of a teenager for travel with my nomadic parents.

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I am a virgin, and I think I am ready to have sex for the first time with my partner. But I am feeling a little nervous. What should I expect?

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OK, so you're thinking about having sex for the first time and you just have SO. Will losing your virginity hurt a lot? And like, how much?


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